Open Letter to Lindsay Lohan:

No surprise sister that we are all tired of your antics…actually its not so much your antics as it is just seeing you in the press every freaking day.  Its either your crazy Dad or your crazy Mom or you…and we can’t be nearly as tired of you as the LAPD…Do you ever wonder if they see your number pop up and roll their eyes?  So after a chat with a fellow little league mom (the field is where real deep debates happen btw) we’ve decided that you need to own your filth and then maybe you wouldn’t be that annoying?  Just be honest! YOU LOVE COCAINE….put it out there!  Say “YES, I’d suck the blow off a porta potty toilet seat!!” or say, “YES I’d do a porno with Screech for some good yayhoo!”…”YES, I’d sell my whore of a younger sister to Steven Segal for an 8ball!!”  See isn’t that liberating??  Not sure if it will get you a job but it might make your bat-sh*t crazy escapades WAY more tolerable…and lets be honest, the denial angle isn’t fillin’ up your sched anyway.

Sincerely,

Red.

2.  So here comes another Sasquatch curveball…Who is givin’ you a ride??  I figured I’d be able to drive up with one of my friends and everything would fall into place but since I have to leave Friday afternoon and not morning, the only person that fits within that timeframe is my boss.  Ugh.  Really?!  Just imagine 6 hours with your boss…Yeah, you feel me now?  He’s going to drone on and on about The Phillies and then you know he’s gonna want to bond by getting all philosophical about radio…and that is why….I’m going to pretend to be asleep.

3.  Another important issue regarding Sascrotch….FOOD.  I hear its super expensive onsite so you might want to save some $$ by bringing groceries….Got a text that said “booze has all the nutrients you need”…Fair enough.  Joe Hammil, our Promotions Director sent out an email and this is what we are bringing:

Cheddar Bunnies

Cookies

Limeaid

Hummus/Pita chips

…Are you noticing a commonality?  Yep, you guessed it, “f*cking stoners”.  What are we missing?  Slurpees? McGriddles?